Unbeknownst to the Hornets, Kevin Durant sealed the ball to his hand with Mighty Putty. - Derick E. Hingle-US PRESSWIRE
Ahoy! The Thunder have once again arrived on the shores of a blowout. To celebrate this, I'm going to compare all of the Thunder player's performances tonight with Billy Mays products.
Ahoy! The Thunder have once again arrived on the shores of a blowout. After a disappointing game with the Grizzlies on Wednesday night, they had some fun against a young Hornets team that just couldn't put anything together. The Thunder were simply unstoppable on the offensive end, with Martin and Durant combining to hit 10 out of 13 threes in the first three quarters. The game was never in doubt, and after the Thunder had pushed the lead to 30 in the second quarter, the game was never in doubt.
I really hate saying this, but even though the Thunder looked perfect as a team, why in the world did Westbrook start 1-6? The rest of his game was fine. He held Vasquez to one of his worst games this season, he passed the ball magnificently, and he hardly had any turnovers. But on nights where the Thunder are just beasting, he can't seem to get his offense going. I mean, don't get me wrong, the guy had a good game, and it was great that he reeled himself in, rather than jacking up a bunch of senseless shots while trying to find his zone. It's just worrying when you consider that Westbrook never took less than 12 attempts last year, yet he's done so twice this season. It doesn't stop there, with his shooting percentage down to 39% from 46% last year. I know I might be worrying over nothing, but there will be nights where we need Westbrook to score, and I just don't know if he can step up.
Anyway, the rest of the game was pretty much all positive and an example of complete domination. To celebrate this, I'm going to compare all of the Thunder player's performances tonight with Billy Mays products. May he rest in peace.
Kevin Durant- Mighty Putty
Okay, I know this would normally go to Thabo Sefolosha, but I think Kevin Durant earned it here. He switched matchups a lot, but he stuck to his assignment like Mighty Putty would. On top of that, he had some seriously epic three pointers, just like the Mighty Putty seriously pulled a 80,000 Semi!!!! Easily the most recognizable Billy Mays product goes with the most recognizable Thunder player.
Kevin Martin- Awesome Auger
Watching an Awesome Auger commercial is really satisfying. Look at all of those things being destroyed! Take that, root! Hard clay got nothing! Weeds? Don't even think about it! Similarly, Kevin Martin's relentless barrage of threes was really satisfying to watch tonight. He fired up things from way too far out, but since he's a relentless destroyer like the Awesome Auger, all of his shots went in.
Serge Ibaka- Oxiclean Detergent
I know it seems odd to compare Serge Ibaka to a cleaning detergent on a night where he really didn't clean up on the boards. Har har har! But in terms of point and block production, it was just another walk in the park for Ibaka. As fans, we're really starting to get used to Ibaka being this good on a consistent basis. That's the exact same concept Billy Mays was trying to pitch with the Oxiclean Detergent. Your clothes will be consistently clean! Awesome!
Thabo Sefolosha- Hercules Hook
Thabo Sefolosha is a great defender, but even so, you can always count on him to hit an open three. He was 50% from beyond the arc tonight, and while he doesn't have the flashiest highlights, I still respect what he was able to do. Kind of like this Hercules Hook. It's not flashy, and if you saw it lying on a table you wouldn't mistake it for a Billy Mays product. But when you give it a chance in action, you can really appreciate how it holds up three 50 pound weights, or a storage rack of golf clubs. Not only that, it does so WITH CONFIDENCE.
Russell Westbrook- Handy Switch
Like Russell Westbrook switches between different styles of play, the Handy Switch switches your light on and off.
Kendrick Perkins- Grater Plater
The Grater Plater seems like something that you'd only use in a really specific situation. How many times do you pull out a cheese grater? Even if you're a hardcore cook, there's only so many times you'd need to grate some parmasean or mozzarella. Still, I suppose it is useful, and it's kind of cool to look at. Like the Grater Plater, Kendrick Perkins is useful, but only in specific situations. He was a decent defender against Robin Lopez, and set a few good screens. It would be nice if he rebounded, just like it would be nice if the Grater Plater could double as a real plate. (But it can't, because it's too small.)
Perry Jones III- Gopher
Perry Jones had a solid fourth quarter performance tonight. Nothing special, just solid. We've all seen the Gopher before in one way or another. It's one of those things you've probably always wanted to mess around with for a few minutes. Perry Jones evokes the same feelings, as we all want to see how he would do if given a real opportunity. But for now, all we can do is stare at the TV screen and wonder.
Eric Maynor- Zorbeez
I always kinda got the feeling that Zorbeez was just a bunch of smoke and mirrors. I could see all of those super absorbent towels wearing out after just a few days' use. Plus, it wasn't nearly as well known as its' competitor, the Shamwow. Similarly, Eric Maynor's game was pretty meh, but since he sits in the shadow of Russell Westbrook and was in the midst of a blowout, nobody's going to remember it.
Hasheem Thabeet- Billy Mays' Big City Slider Station
Thabeet did an admirable job pulling down boards tonight, finishing with 9. What else did he do? Well, not much. Similarly, Billy Mays tries, in vain, to convince the consumer that his Big City Slider Station is anything more than a differently shaped pan. It's not! It's just a pan! With a scoop! Most people think Hasheem Thabeet has huge potential. But he doesn't! He's just a really really long and clumsy guy! He finished with a -1 +/- ratio in a 15 point blowout! Bleh!
Reggie Jackson- Mighty Mendit
Reggie Jackson looks impressive as a player, and clearly has, or will have, the talent to crack the rotation. But even though he looks impressive, where do you put him? he's too small to be a shooting guard, and the point guard position is full. Thus, barring injury, he spends most of his time riding the pine. The Mighty Mendit is in a similar boat. Sure, it looks cool and can clearly do impressive things, but when will I need to use one? It would only come in hand for emergency situations, and when those situations came up, I doubt I'd remember where I put my Mighty Mendit. Regardless, like Reggie Jackson's crazy floater tonight, it does looks glorious when put to the test.
Nick Collison- Kaboom!
This comparison should be rather obvious. Nick Collison does all of the dirty work, just like Kaboom does. He kept Anthony Davis out of the lane most of the time, and would probably be the first guy to clean the dirty toilet in the locker room while everyone else was really grossed out.
Jeremy Lamb- Quick Chop
Like Zorbeez, the Quick Chop is another product that nobody remembers. It was much less popular than its' competitor, the Slap Chop. Moreover, it was obvious that the design of the Quick Chop was flawed. You can see that it misses a big chunk of whatever its' cutting. Jeremy Lamb isn't necessarily intrinsically flawed like the Quick Chop, but he does like to jack up lots of bad shots, and that can be a killer if you're a rookie languishing on the bench.
DeAndre Liggins- iTie
Okay, so DeAndre Liggins has nothing to do with the iTie. But this has to be the most pointless product I've ever seen. Who wants to put their credit card IN THEIR TIE? Who has problem with ties blowing away? It's like a solution for a problem than never existed.
New Orleans Hornets- Flies Away
Okay, so the Hornets are a decent team and will finish the year with a decent record. But tonight, they reminded me of flies away. Even if Flies Away keeps flies away like it says it will, who wants a gigantic colostomy bag hanging next to them? Eww! It probably stinks, too. The guy trying to dodge a fly in his kitchen at 0:03 is being as effective as the Hornets were at shooting mid-range shots tonight.
Thunder Wonder: Kevin Durant
Thunder Down Under: Kevin Martin
Thunder Blunder: Eric Maynor
Thunder Plunderer: Ryan Anderson
Next Game: Versus the Golden State Warriors, Sunday, November 18th, 6 PM Central Standard Time.